5 Reasons to Cheer for the Phillies

5. Best Player EVAR Factor - Jimmy Rollins is soooo Gully.
4. Hometown Hero Factor - Cole Hamels' nasty change.
3. Pity Factor - The Phillies became the first team to amass 10,000 losses.
2. Musical Awareness Factor - They invited Dr. Dog to sing the fuggin' Nat'l Anthem!!!!!!!!!!!!! (see Figure 1)
1. Grudge Factor - 'cause the Rockies cannot, should not and WILL NOT advance!!!!

Padres....heres a shot of Nyquil and beer for your efforts. I still gots luff for ya.

You're like a rollercoaster
You got heavy metal wings
You could make a dead man scream
You're like a rollercoaster

Rollercoaster, we was the best of times
Rollercoaster, we was the worst of times too
Because you lift me up so high high high
It's the most unbelievable ride

-M. Ward, Rollercoaster

Figure 1

EDIT: Two days later and I've changed my tone. Root for the Rockies. They may be the team of destiny this season.